How Much is Too Much?

In today’s world of social media, how much is too much when it comes to writing about yourself?  We live in a new found openness where everything is “shared”, “tweeted”, or “liked”  Where everyone and their mom has a Facebook account, well not my mom, but she is subscribed to my blog.  What happened to those days where you weren’t supposed to air your dirty laundry in your front yard?  Now a days, I often find out that friends have gotten engaged or ended a marriage by checking a few boxes in their public profiles.

Now…what about me and this blog?

How much is too much when it comes to writing about me and my family?  I have more than once gotten in trouble by things that I have written either via Facebook status or here on a blog post.  I tend to be ruled by my emotions, and also have a harsh passive aggressive tongue.  However, in contrast, I have also been applauded for my openness and honesty on writing about some very personal and sensitive subjects.  I have started about half a dozen drafts and deleted them in fear that they might be too much.

So…how much is too much?

In a previous blog post entitled, “Blogglng Can Be Like Therapy,” I wrote that I used to think people were crazy to write about themselves in such personal ways on the internet.  Here I am!  I am one of them.  Just today alone, I have already posted five times on Facebook.  Once this blog is published, it will be six times.

Yesterday I was overcome by a combination of utter exhaustion and about one hundred and one emotions all at the same time.  I found myself crying in our car in a popular posh shopping venue.  I sat there for over an hour wallowing in self pity and made my husband take our kids to meet my friends.  I can’t explain what caused  my melt down.  Maybe I’m depressed, maybe I’m under stimulated, maybe I’m lonely, maybe I’m about to start my period.  I suppose it is probably a combination of all of the above.  Maybe I’ll let a professional decide that.

Some people might read this and think, “Wow!  What a whiny  spoiled brat.  She is in a marriage  where many women would probably trade their left lung for.  She gets to spend her day playing with her two kids in a house in the suburbs planning play dates and parties.”

After reading Stephen Covey’s “Seven Habbits of Highly Effective People,” I have decided that I will no longer let the fear of what people think rule what I do.  I am going to write a personal mission statement and then together we will write our family mission statement.  I will write more blogs, work out more for my physical and mental health, read more Braille so I don’t loose a skill I had to fight to learn, and just overall be a better person.

So…was that too much?

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Finding Time to Blog

I apologize that it has been over a month since my last blog.  I started Blind Mom in the Burbs last April.  At the time, my son was only six months old and my daughter was two and a half.  Our computer was in the back corner of the family room.  Now, My son is sixteen months, daughter is almost three and a half, and the computer is in the music/workout/computer/den in the very front of the house.  You can only imagine the difference a year makes.

Finding time to blog when you are home alone with two toddlers, is like finding time to breathe when you are under water.  It’s practically impossible.

Let me tell you about my morning.

My husband and I are on our second week of a 45 day cleanse.  This means, for 45 days this mama cannot eat pork, eggs, dairy, gluten, drink alcohol, on a strick eating schedule, and to top it all off, NO COFFEE.  I am going to be honest.  Last week was tough.  I started off my first day of NO COFFEE with a horrible hangover from going out the night before for a friend’s birthday.  Now that the coffee withdrawals are gone, I have found that burst of energy I was told about, and I feel great!

So with my newly discovered energy this morning, I decided to put away the laundry, tidy up the kids rooms, clean the play room, and scrub the bathrooms before a play date this afternoon.  I just assumed both my children were in the family room watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  I should have  known better than to assume.  After a little while I went in there to check on them, not finding my son I immediately knew where to look.  As I turned the corner down the hall towards my bedroom I could hear the water running.  When I got into my bathroom, I found he had climbed up the tub, onto the counter, and across the sink (the sink we’d turned the wather off to since he had been found sitting in there before with the water on full blast).  He had made his way across the counter to the other sink and turned on the water letting it run over my lotion bottle, soap dispenser, and a glass candle (which he must have broken when dropping it in the sink.  When I went to pick him up, he had a piece of glass in his hand a scraped it across my cheek.  I usually keep all of the bedroom doors closed when he’s awake, but like I mentioned above, I was in the middle of cleaning.  Thankfully all of the broken glass was mostly contained in the sink, and he had no cuts on him.  My cheek is fine.  That is just an example of how that little booger keeps me on my toes.

Please don’t think that I am complaining.  This is merely an explanation of why I have not been blogging.

Any and every time I sit down, whether it be on the couch, ground, or computer chair, my kids think it means it’s time for them to climb all over me.  They are at such an adorable age.  I just can’t justify shewing them away so that I can sit at the computer.  They are only this little for so long.  Before I know it they won’t want anything to do with me.  Oh geese, I’m getting all teary eyed just thinking about that.  So for now, I am spending all of my energy keeping up with my two active toddlers and making sure to fully absorb all of the love they have to throw at me.  This doesn’t mean I’m not going to blog anymore, just not as frequently, because by the time those little ones are ready for bed, so is their exhausted mama.

Thankful November in a Nutshell

I started out this month intending on publishing a blog post each day on something I am thankful for.  As you can see by looking at my recent posts, I only made it to day 9.

Here it is in a nutshell.

I am thankful for my parents who raised me to know the difference between right and wrong.  They gave me a brother, who gave me two beautiful nieces, and a sister who is the most loyal friend I could ask for.  They instilled in us the importance of family. showed us how to work hard, and taught us how to love and have compassion for others.

I am thankful for my husband’s family.  Without them, he wouldn’t be the man that he is today.

I am thankful for modern forms of telecommunication like cell phones, texting, emails, Facebook, and skype to help me stay in touch with my family and friends all over the world.

I am thankful for all the friends that I made throughout the years, both near and far.  You all know exactly who you are.

I am thankful for the opportunity to be a stay at home mom and raise two beautiful children who are so eager to learn, and never fail to bring a smile to my face.

I am thankful for a warm cozy bed, food in my fridge, and clothes on my back.

I am thankful for coffee, wine, and chocolate.  These are my drugs of choice.

I am thankful for fuzzy socks.

I am thankful for friendly neighbors who watch out for me and my children when my hubby is gone.

I am thankful the stucco guys finally started painting today and we are closer to having our backyard done.

I am thankful for the opportunity to blog and share my life with you.

And oh yes, one more thing.  I am thankful for my blindness.  Without it, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today.  Every experience, every challenge, every of struggle to try to fit in and look normal, every missed step or curb, every triumph, every mile I’ve traveled, every person I’ve met, every child I’ve taught, every person I’ve influenced, every accomplishment I’ve made or will make in the future are all because of my blindness.  I used to imagine what my life would be like if I had 20/20 vision, but then I wouldn’t be where I am today.  If somebody told me there was an opportunity for me to get all of my vision back, I honestly don’t know what I would do.  So until there is a 100%, 0 side effects, consequence free way, I’m going to have to pass for now.

30 Days of Thankfulness; Day 2

November 2, 2012

I am thankful for my friends I’ve made since moving to Las Vegas

It is not always easy when you are a blind mom in the burbs of Las Vegas.  This isn’t the most pedestrian friendly city.  Between the hot tripple digit summers, the wind storms, the freezing winters, I can’t exactly walk everywhere with my little ones in their double stroller.  There have been many times I’ve called friends to pick up milk, diapers, or even just to come over and read me the dosage directions to a new box of medicine.

When the word got out about the wreck, concerns and support came pouring in.  Everyone wanted to know if there was anything they could do.

The stress of my hubby’s accident kept me in a sour mood for days.  Once my friends found this out, they all made it their goal to put some sweetness back into my mood.

I don’t have any family in town, so knowing there are friends who I can call at any time of day or night for any particular reason helps to make Las Vegas feel like we live in a small close knit community.  We take turns watching each others’ kids.  We borrow each other’s clothes and jewelry, We share recipes.  We go out for drinks.  We gossip over coffee.  We throw each other birhtday shindigs and showers.  We hand down our children’s clothing.  We understand that sometimes things come up.  We don’t judge or criticize, but rather offer comfort  and hugs.

I wish all of my friends could live in the same city as me, but then there’d be no reason for me to visit SF, Austin, Tampa, Seattle, Virginia, Hawaii, China, Sweden and everywhere else in the world.

October Reflections

As I looked at myself in the mirror this morning while I was brushing my teeth, it really hit me how much my life has changed.  I was slightly hung over from the margaritas I had at the concert the night before.  I had dark circles around my eyes, thanks to the lack of sleep that accompanies motherhood.  My husband was stretching on the bedroom floor, son babbling in his room down the hall, and daughter snoring in my bed.  I couldn’t help but smile and thank my lucky stars for such a wonderful way to start a day.

My first time in Las Vegas was in October of 2005.  My then boyfriend, now husband of five years, was moving here for work and I decided to keep him company on his drive out.  I was still in college, doing the clubbing, shopping, cramming, and sleeping in until noon on weekends lifestyle.  As he decided to leave Sacramento, I too decided that I was ready for a change.  I had just attended my first NFB of California State Convention and realized that my, “Fake it till you make it,” philosophy was not working as well as I wanted it too.  I decided that I was going to put the rest of college on hold and learn Braille, and did so by becoming a student at the Louisiana Center for the Blind just a few months later.

In October of 2006, I left LCB and my safe bubble of friends who lived just a few doors away with positive blindness philosophy oozing out of my pores, and stepped off the plane into the next three years which would be filled with depression, denial, and distancing.

If you know me at all, then you know that I am a social butterfly.  I thrive with the company of others.  I am always smiling and love to share it with just about anyone.  But, I had know idea what moving to Las Vegas was going to be like.  I didn’t know anyone besides my husband and his twenty year old sister, who had her own social life that I had rather not tag along on.  All of the confidence that I’d gained in Louisiana seemed to disappear after a month or so.  I started to sink more and more into depression the more and more I allowed myself to stay isolated.  This is probably why I volunteered so much time and energy with the NFB.  So much time and energy that it started to take a real strain on my marriage.  I was gone all of the time.  I jumped at any chance to hop on a plane taking me to events all over the country.  I even left for a summer internship in Baltimore right after we got back from our honeymoon.

Then in October of 2009, I was just weeks from having a baby, house hunting, putting together a state convention, and feeling like I was the ball in the pinball machine getting tossed all over the place.  I didn’t realize how much having a baby would change my life, she was the anchor to steady me and keep me grounded,

On October 8, 2011 the last piece of the puzzle was put into place when my son was born.  Yes, exactly one year ago, I was holding my brand new baby boy wishing that time would stand still.

But of course it didn’t, and it is now October 2012.  My son has just turned one and tonight his big sister helped him blow out his candle on a mini cheesecake.  He is now walking, actually running all over the house chasing his sister and our dog, sometimes going so fast he forgets how to slow down or stop and runs into walls.  I have made so many incredible friends whom I love and consider like family.  And we will all be celebrating Jackson’s first birthday this Saturday in the form of a pirate party complete with bounce house and all.

I might not have a killer body, six digit pay check, drive a fancy car, or wear designer clothes, but this is the  life.  I could never possibly ask for anything more.  And I am so thankful for everything and everyone that I have in my life.