I’m writing this more for me than for anyone else. I need to figure out how to process my messy emotions. Usually, running works, but I haven’t allowed myself to run long enough to be able to silence the nasty gremlins that have been growing. The gremlins have gotten louder and louder each month that our house has been on the market. Those gremlins that shout, “Not good enough!” These are the gremlins that feed off of self-doubt and shame.
It’s interesting how trying to sell my home has triggered the self-doubt, not enough,shame volume button to be turned up. I work really hard to keep that button pressed locked on mute. I can’t seem to find theremote to lock it back down again. Perhaps it was thrown in one of the boxes and taped up shut. It could be packed away in one of the spare bedrooms at my parents house around the corner. It could be shoved under my bed with a couple of spare blankets, and guitar cases.
I’ve missed placed a few emotions along with that remote that controls the shame trigger too. Maybe when I finally start unpacking everything and get organized when we move into the new home, I’ll find excitement, joy, relief, and laughter again.
I think that just means there’s work to do. Challenges should test and confirm the principles we live by, not send us spiraling. Hold fast to what you know and believe. Sometime that’s the only difference that creates success and we realize after the moment has passed, “that’s right, I KNEW it all along!” versus, failure where we just reinforce digressing into our former, usually worse off selves. BE THE CHANGE! LIVE AWAKE!!!