The Life of a Blind Wife of a Firefighter

Whew!  Try saying that title ten times fast.

I recently received an email from a reader who has Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP).  This is a degenerative eye condition which usually leads to blindness.  She has a seven year old, and wants another baby before both she and her child get any older.  However, she is afraid since her vision has been, and will be continuing to worsen, that caring for two children will be even more of a challenge.  She asked me if I and other blind moms, parent alone, or are our husbands home with us to help.

For those of you who don’t know, my husband is a fire fighter.  He works 24 hour shifts, and is sometimes gone for 48 or 72 hours at a time.  We also live in a small master planned suburb where the nearest bus stop is about 3 miles away on the opposite side of the Interstate 15.  Our community has everything I might need on an everyday basis like the grocery store, restaurants, UPS, dry cleaner, dentist, Starbucks, Walgreens, 4 great parks within a mile of our home, an Ace Hardware store, a nail salon, and much much more.  We purchased our home here for the local conveniences and for the quiet and tranquil feel of a small town, set away from the hustle and bustle of Las Vegas.  The downside is that it often makes me a slave to the suburbs.

I’m not going to lie, living in the suburbs of Las Vegas, being blind, and having a husband who is gone for long hours is a challenge.  Let me ask you this question.  What in life isn’t a challenge?  I bet standing on one foot is a challenge to many.  I bet singing the, “Star Spangled Banner,” is a challenged to many more.  Learning a new language might seem like a challenge to some, but how incredible is it when you get to speak that language in it’s native country?  Learning how to read and write might seem like a challenge to a young child, but the joy of literacy cannot be achieved without taking the fear of failing and putting it to the test everyday by the first simple task of learning the letters of the alphabet.  Before you know it, that child is reading is first book!

One of my biggest challenges is transportation.  Yes, we do live within walking distance to many things I might need, we also live in a non-pedestrian friendly city, where the public transit system is a laughing joke compared to other metropolitan areas.

How do I overcome this challenge?

1.  Hubby’s fire station is close enough for him to ride his bike to.  This;

a) leaves our family car available for me to use, with a driver of course.

b) gives him a work out to and from work.

c) is great for the environment and cuts down on our gas bill.

2.  I have an amazing network of friends I’ve worked hard in creating that I like to call my Village.  I can’t emphasize the importance of a good support system, especially since we don’t have family nearby.  Both my parents and my husband’s parents live in Northern California.  These women don’t just help me.  We all help and support each other.  We are there for one another to provide a shoulder to cry on, with arms to hug and comfort heartache and pain, with laughs over a good glass of wine, and tonight, with a long overdue Mons Night Out.

3.  Lastly and most importantly, hubby and I have a strong and healthy relationship based on mutual trust and respect.  Together, we have built a foundation for our children to safely thrive.   Our own individual strengths and independence have thus transformed  into the web of interdependence, making it even easier for ALL OF US to succeed.

I’ll end today’s blog with this bit of advice, don’t take those lemons life hands you and merely turn them into lemonade, turn them into lemon meringue  pie or better yet, lemon custard pie.

Until tomorrow, make it a great day!

 

Choose to Be Happy

Smiley face pancakes with blueberry eyes and strawberry lips for Marley and Jackson

Smiley face pancakes with blueberry eyes and strawberry lips for Marley and Jackson

Life is about choices.  From the moment we wake up in the morning to the moment we close our eyes at night, we are faced with hundreds of thousands of choices.  What to wear, what to eat, coffee or tea, and that’s just the first few.  How about choosing how to feel?

Have you ever considered that choosing how you feel could be something you have complete control of?  This is a concept we are working with our children on.  We choose to be happy.  Nothing is strong enough to keep us down.  There may be bumps and bruises that cause us to cry from the initial pain, but in order to move on we choose to get back up again with a smile, laugh, and learn what could have prevented those tears.

Last weekend, I chose to commit myself to myself.  That was not a typo.  I registered and made the first move in fully committing to creating a better me.  Come January 15th I will begin this journey through an intensive self discovery and leadership program that focuses on emotional intelligence.  Hundreds of people travel from all over the country, and the world, to participate in this program.  I fortunately only need to travel about 20 minutes from my front door.  I’ve observed the break through and changes my husband has gone through, and am both nervous and excited to experience my own.

I teased him the other day that he was using words from the program on me.  Our Friday afternoon was a hectic one.  The morning had flown by.  It was noon and we had an hour to get out the door.  That didn’t happen of course.  After scrambling to finish my blog for Halloween, him scrambling to finish commitments he’d started on that morning, we were finally ready to leave.  ?The kids were strapped in the car.  We went over our check list of must haves before driving away and realized we didn’t have Marley’s cane.  The next half hour was spent searching every closet, corner, in and under every bed and couch, combed every inch of the backyard, and couldn’t find it anywhere.  Marley couldn’t remember where she’d put it, and I let my frustrations of me overcommitting to too many events in too short of time come out in this one predicament.  Hubby caught me snapping at Marley, and said, “Back off of Marley.  This is our breakdown.  We shouldn’t take it out on her.”

He was right.

I sulked, sighed, and chose to change my mood.  We got back in the car, and we headed off to our first event for the day.  Even though Marley didn’t have her cane with her.  It was still a successful play date.  We met little Dillon and his parents, all three of whom are blind.  Dillon’s mom and I had arranged the play date so that Marley could show Dillon her cane.  He had recently been given his first cane and doesn’t want to use it.  We met them at their house, and all walked to the park together.  Marley and Jackson showed Dillon’s mom their Halloween costumes by what we call, “Seeing with our hands.”  Jackson was excited to see Dillon’s dad had a cane too since his Daddy doesn’t have one.  Fun was had by all as the kids ran, swung, climbed, hid, and slid, and us grown ups bounced ideas around and made plans for future outings together.

Like I tell my children when they are upset, let’s make a choice on how we will feel for the rest of the day.  Let’s choose to feel happy.

Now, go out and make it a Happy day!

Need a little help on getting started?  Go to www.24hoursofhappy.com for an instant boost.

This website cannot be view over mobile devices, so if you don’t happen to have access to a computer at the moment, than watch it on YouTube instead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sharing is Caring

 

Some people probably wonder why I often write such personal things here on my blog, and some people probably criticize me for being so open about my family and our struggles.   To quote my wonderful husband, in response to those people who ask why,?  “Why not?”

Why not share?  After all, sharing is caring.  I explain this simple concept to my children every day.

Why not share my joys, my journeys, my tears, my triumphs, my loves, and my passions?

Why not give a blind child a glimpse of a beautiful future that maybe one day she too can be a mom?  Why not give hope to a blind parent who has recently received the diagnosis that their child cannot see?  Why not give inspiration to blind students, blind seniors, blind veterans, and everyone else out there?  Why keep my positive outlook on blindness and on life hidden from the world?  Why not share?

Here are two photos I shared on my other blog,  the Seed Project.  I was inspired by my aunt who recently suffered from a stroke.  She was parylized on her left side.  After a few weeks of rehabilitation, she walked into her home, which her two sisters had remodeled for her.  She walked on her own, unassisted by anyone, but the help of a cane.  My aunt is a strong and sassy woman who loves life.  She loves a good glass of wine, she loves to dance, and she has an infectious laugh.  Knowing that in just a few weeks she is able to walk alone while stylishly rocking her cane, I know that she will again one day strut her stuff in sexy stiletto heels out onto a dance floor and shake it.

I am told my so many people that I am an inspiration, but today, I will tell you all that my aunt is my inspiration.

the sunrise at Valley of Fire on a recent family trip with the words, "What is inspiration to you?" across the top

I leave you with this, “Love actively and live proactively,” and don’t be afraid to share.

comic book style photoshopped version of a photo we took on a hike at Red Rock with the words, "Love actively, Live proactively."

 

“The Childfree Life”

The Childfree Life

On a recent Time Magazine cover, there is a controversial photo of a happy couple laying on the beach. Above them it says, “The Childfree Life, when having it all means not having children.”

My husband and I had a lengthy discussion about this yesterday on the way to hang out on the Las Vegas Strip with some friends, who happen to be a child free couple.

At the hotel pool as we happily splashed with our kids, there were plenty of child free couples laying on the loungers reading or sipping cocktails. It made me wonder, who really is the happier couple?

While I’d rather not be woken up in the middle of the night by my daughter’s screams caused by her night terrors, and this morning while both kids emptied everything from my DoTerra lavender oil, band aids, Neosporin, and all the rest of the contents of my first aid bag onto themselves because they were playing doctor. I still wouldn’t trade this life for a million trillion dollars.

What are some of your thoughts on this photo?