Marley and Me, and a Frustrated Mommy

Yes, this mommy is frustrated in this episode of our Marley and Me series.  Frustrated is putting it nicely.  After arriving back from our three week vacation, we had a huge stack of mail waiting for us at the post office.  One of these pieces of mail was the letter from the school district letting us know where Marley would be going in a few weeks.  To our surprise, she’d been assigned a school in a completely different part of town.  If roads around here actually went through instead of dying and starting up again, it would be a 10 minute drive or bus ride (that’s if we let her ride the bus, you REALLY don’t want me to get started on that issue.)  Instead, the way the roads are designed down here in the south part of town, we have to go North ten minutes, west ten minutes, and back down south another ten minutes to get to the school she’s been assigned to.  Why is she to go to a school so far away when there are two very good schools that are offering preschool just a mile from home?  After a week of phone calls, messages, and the run around, I’ve come to this conclusion.  Nobody knows anything about anything.  I was under the impression during Marley’s IEP that she would be going to a community based program with, the word I hate to use being “regular” kids.  Instead from what I’ve gathered from other moms, and confused receptionists, each school’s preschool is for a different type of disability.  The school our address is zoned for is offering a preschool program for autistic kids.  A mommy friend is forced to send her daughter on the other side of town because she need speech therapy.  Umm, correct me if I’m wrong but, doesn’t that defeat the point of that they are called, “Community Based?”  Apparently, if I want Marley to get the IEP, she has to go to this school they’ve assigned her too.  I’m speculating when I’m saying this, but does this mean she’s going to be in school with other blind and low vision kids?  This might be the county’s cheaper and easier solution, but this isn’t what we want, nor is this how her education plan was presented to us.  We want our daughter in a mainstream, a “normal” school with “regular” kids.  My husband wants to say f**k the IEP.  I want to say f**k CCSD.  I will probably be spending the next few weeks getting more and more frustrated with each phone call that I have to make.  I will send Marley to school and see how it turns out to really be, and we’ll see where it goes from there.  Wish me luck that I don’t blow up on anyone.

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Marley and Me Musical Chairs

Photo of Marley and me

I feel like I’m in a real life game of musical chairs.  First I was the blind child, then the blind student, then the blind parent, and now I’m sitting in the seat as the parent of a blind child.

This blog has been a draft in progress, and I’m finally ready to share it with you all.

About 2.5 years ago, we brought my daughter into see the pediatrician for a double ear infection.  This was when it was first brought to our attention that she had a nystagmus.  After a few trips to the eye doctor, we were given the diagnosis of Spasmus Nutans.  This is the combination of the Nystagmus, Amblyopia (lazy eye), and a head tilt in response to the other two symptoms.  We were told that this was common in eye development in toddlers and it should correct itself by school age.

Over the next 2 years it looked as if it was somewhat getting better, only showing when she was really tired or concentrating to see something at a distance.  But  as her fourth birthday came around, we noticed more and more signs that perhaps we were just looking for it to get better because the doctor said it would

I noticed that she was having difficulty seeing the letters in her books while we were working on reading and writing.  My husband noticed she was having difficulty tracking things at a distance.  Some of my close friends noticed that when she went to grab an object, it looked as if she wasn’t reaching directly for that object but more feeling for it.

I couldn’t believe I let two years go by since her last eye check up.  When I called to make an appointment in January, the first available appointment wasn’t until May.  This wasn’t acceptable, especially to a worried parent.  After asking around, I found another ophthalmologist who came very highly recommended in my network of moms.  I also decided to contact the school district to see if she would qualify to get into their preschool program, because if she would be needing any services I wanted to start the process sooner than later.

After a series of assessments with the school nurse, psychologist, vision test, and hearing test, we sat down to our first IEP (Independent Education Plan) this last Tuesday.  It was determined that my daughter qualifies to start preschool under the fact that she would be a blind/low vision student.  Keep in mind that we hadn’t yet seen the new eye doctor.  There was much discussion about what accommodations and services she would be given  As I’d expected, there was much disagreement on the topic of Braille.  The low vision specialist claimed she felt my daughter has too much vision to learn Braille, that it would slow her down and confuse her.  Knowing the IEP process, and knowing that I was able to ammend it if I felt need be, I simply told them that if they didn’t want to teach her Braille in preschool, that was fine with me.  I am already teaching her Braille, and by the time the school district is ready to approve Braille instruction, she’ll already be fully reading uncontracted Braille, and far ahead of her peers.

A few days later, on this last Friday we visited her new eye doctor.  It turns out that she doesn’t just have the three sypmtons that make up Spasmus Nutans.  She’s got Optic Atrophy just like her mama.  It’s very possible it was a dormant gene that appeared in me, then I passed to her.  It could be that since we weighted two years without treating the Amblyopia, it caused the atrophy in the eye.  It could be a fluke coincidence.  However, all that matters is, she’s got the same eye condition as me.  The doctor also told us that her vision loss is severe enough that Braille would be best for her. Forcing her to read print would only strain and stress her eyes thus possibly making things worse.

I’ll be honest.  This weekend consisted of a whole lot of tears, a whole lot of guilt, a whole lot of grief, a whole lot of anger, but also a whole lot of of inpouring of love and support.  It also consisted of a whole lot of pride.  On sunday morning, I heard my daughter chatting away while she was eating her pancakes.  My mommy ears perked up when I heard her say, “X is 1 3 4 6.”  I then asked her to show it to me, which she did on the little wooden Braille block that we play with.  She then told me that X was her favorite letter in Braille.  I was overwhelmed by the comforting feeling that no matter what, everything will be fine.  She is a happy, healthy, beautiful, bright, and strong little girl that will succeed in whatever her heart desires.

With my own personal experiences, with the resources and support through the National Organization of Parents of Blind Children and the National Federation of the Blind, with the love of family and friends who will treat her like every other little girl out there and not like a child that needs to be tended to or coddled, I plan to surround her with nothing but positivity and make sure that she grows up to be a confident young lady doing whatever she wants to in life.

So…to my dear sweet Marley, this song is for you, because you’re amazing just the way you are.