Dear Mr.

I’m sorry to have to tell you, but I’ve found someone new. Nine years ago, you came into my life and swept me off my feet. Your hard exterior, your larger build, your fast performance all held the promise of creative productivity. We have shared hundreds of thousands of memories together. From my wedding to the birth of my children. From family gatherings, road trips, and even my trip to China, you were there for me. You helped me put my heart and soul down into words so that I was able to share it with the world. I’m even embarrassed to admit out loud that we were pretty addicted to binge watching Netflix together.
Sadly, you have shown more often than not in the more recent years that you are no longer able to keep up with my active lifestyle. I need someone who doesn’t freeze up on me when I request multiple tasks from you. I need someone who doesn’t resort to the silent treatment. I need someone who can curl up in the sheets with me. I need someone who isn’t afraid of the wide open road and all it’s possible adventures from planes to trains, mountains to shores, I need someone who can give me that and so much more.
So, I’m sorry Mr. You have been replaced with a newer, younger faster, sleeker, and sexier model. Don’t worry however. I have found you a good home to spend your golden years in. You will be more useful there, and you will most definitely be more appreciated.

Love Always,
Mama Rupp